This July, I’ll be 19 years old in Christ, but I’ve only been to church for about two thirds of that time. I can’t get into detail right now as to what happened. I’m not sure what the exact causes were myself, but the long and the short of it is that I dropped out of church life for about seven years. Don’t get me wrong: I didn’t entirely drop out—I was always around the church and its people—I just didn’t regularly attend any one house of worship consistently.

Last Fall, my wife and I began attending Christ the Redeemer Anglican Church in Norfolk, VA. There were a number of things that led us to this church, however, I guess the thing that pushed us over the tipping point was when I read an interview with Todd Hunter in Christianity Today in which he spoke about his spiritual journey. I haven’t reflected on anything long enough in the last couple of years (been too busy going to school and learning things like Greek and Hebrew) to be able to pinpoint exactly what it was about the article that resonated with me, but something did. I checked to see if there were any local Anglican Mission in the Americas churches and discovered Christ the Redeemer in my own backyard. We’ve been going ever since, albeit erratically due to my mother’s health and work/school conflicts. But we’ve been going, and it’s a start, and it is good!

Giving Church Another Chance: Finding New Meaning in Spiritual Practices

Vineyard USA 25th Anniversary from Vineyard USA on Vimeo.

I’m almost ashamed to admit that we don’t go to church. Partially because I’m not always certain we’re doing the right thing. Living off-the-map as a pilgrim wanderer in uncharted territory one has moments of self-doubt and uncertainty. Never quite certain that we’ve heard God right. Always wondering if we’re headed in the right direction. Wondering what the promised land will look like once we arrive.

The other reason admitting we don’t go to church is difficult is that it’s awkward. Who wants to explain over and over again that while you believe in Jesus you’ve all but given up on modern expressions of the church? That’s borderline heresy in some circles. There are Christians that warm a pew week after week without a thought of why they’re there or what that two hours on a Sunday morning is actually accomplishing in terms of drawing them closer to Christ. In fact, the core question may very well boil down to, “Why Church?”

That’s a question for another post, but one I think of often. I guess I’m just feeling a little adrift these days. After several years of living outside the institutional church I don’t feel I’m growing as a Christian any more outside of it than I was in the church. Granted, we haven’t really connected with any alternatives to the institutional church. We’ve looked into house churches, and once upon a time even thought we’d start a house church or something like that ourselves. But life has a way of creeping up on you, and we’ve kept putting things of to a “tomorrow” that has never come. First it was my wife completing her Ph.D. and my working a job with an insane schedule. Then it was my switching jobs and returning to school part-time. Now it’s still school for me, but also settling into the new house we just bought.

Honestly, I’m a bit uncomfortable with how easy it’s been not going to church on Sundays. Not that warming a pew is where it’s at anyway. I guess I’m just hoping we’ll get a little closer to where we’re supposed to be. Sure, we still get together with other believers for “fellowship,” but it’s just not the same as “big church” with worship you can get lost in and encounter God and teaching that pierces the heart.